There will always be blame, but no regrets. Because regretting means i wish for things not to work out the way it has, and I dont wish for that.

Because without the way it worked out, I wouldn't realized how much they mean :)

Sigh but one whole question gone. Like 10m?! I guess if my brain's clearer, I couldve worked on why it is so. ._.

I'm going to do damn badly for this mst, when i cared the most. Why? I forgot how i used to think sleeping helps retain the memory most.

I can't forget, so I'm using it to push me. After I'm done staying right where I was.

I think I dont like imperfections. Maybe when I hope there's a parallel universe, I hoped that the me there wouldn't make the same mistakes as I did.

I love how they care, but then it makes it so much harder to let it go. Simplest analogy is how dogs would wanna make their owners happy. That's all they ever wanted.

It's hard to be second when all you've ever wanted is the first.
It's harder to be second when you were the first.
Mama told me to go for it. I can't.

Just finished a book about a bizarre event.

It's about the lost, ending up in a place called Here. I guess if they didnt name the place, it would seem more scientific. Hard to believe, but i guess i do. The female lead has a really strong character where she can't stop searching for answers to her questions. She thought she didnt need anyone in her life. But what i find amazing is the people she met that were willing to accept for who she was, and her for being herself when everyone cant deal with who she was. It was hard facing people she loved with the look in their eyes.

Memories, sounds, smells that was gone from our world, it all went there. Adults won't, but kids do. They would ask, where did the rain go? Perhaps to that place, away from our world.

I believe in that world, the same way i believe that in a paradox world. I believe in motion, and in contradictions.

Maybe cause i wanna believe that when i do something i didnt wanna do, some other me in other astral projections did the right thing.

Unknowingly, I think I did it again. Sigh.

Life's harder with people you care around. So so so much harder.

I would if I could to the best of my ability. But I cant, and that's my choice. I dont wanna regret it.

Lightning flashing. Reflex.

Racing against time, racing with time, sprinting across what i thought was the end.
But is it really?

Then i paced myself, started to observe, learn and apply.

I'm still learning. But I'm not struggling anymore. I'll still get tired, get mad, get frustrated, but I guess it's part and parcel of life.

Words is man's greatest weapon. I should get used it. To you.

It stopped hurting, knowing you cared more for him.
But it still hurts, hearing the words you said, always doubting and everything in his favor. And then, expecting me to do everything your way and in his favor again.

Because its me, I wouldn't, even if it's right. I would still do things, but for you. Just because you gave birth to the woman I loved most in my life. And just because you brought me her, and because you once helped her.

I guess I know you do love me, but probably similar to the way I do.

Because you weren't there when I needed you.
Because when I was tired and went through a phase of my growing up life, you didn't encourage and the one who cared wasn't you.

You listened, not to me but him.

I can't hate you. I won't. But don't compare yourself and her, cause you'll never be the same. I'm sorry for that but that's how it is. I'm done being disappointed and mad.

Thank you for worrying when I was back early in the morning, if I was cold from the air con, and putting blanket over me. Thanks for trusting me and thanks for being there. Thank you for making me feel loved even when you're not my family. But you are now, in my heart.

I could feel you dropping him level by level into his own world but I can't save him, cause you're drowning him. I can't stop you, cause then I'm not sure what would happen. Sigh.

Please please please stop doing everything for him.

He can find his keys, you don't have to place it in the exact place where he left it/usually puts it.

He can get his own breakfast. Don't bring it right to his mouth.

He can take care of himself.
Don't worry about his stuff, his food, his everything. ._.

It's getting out of hand. This is absurd.

So languid to tonight. It's a long full productive day. Had lessons which I was happily late for and actually wasn't as late as i thought I would be. Then to top it up biostats ended early 😊

Went to find mama and went throight 2 hours of torture. Was telling mama how my teacher has twitter and she's so like us, childish and they were commenting 'wah now teachers so hard to be, trying to be on the same level as students, students think childish'. And told mama about how is the curriculum like, spoon feeding us and only some lecturers really want us to learn.

Then mama told me a secret which I had to swear I won't tell anyone. ._. Her friend went to a pimp house cause she finally slimmed down and wanna go see see. ._. I don't ever think she's fat and I think she pretty! But I AM shocked. Hmm.

Went home out with marriedbones. It's like our outings forever badly planned even if it's not impromptu. ._. Planned to meet at 5. Finally met up 6.30 whole playing hide and seek thru je to bound vista. Sigh

Had ewf and strolled down town to h&' when we shopped and shopped for 2 hours finally bought a dusty gold bikini and a collared shirt! Both so pretty I like. Oh and my flower clip for bintan and cruise this June 😁

People are asking me questions I wished I had the answers to. But sadly, I dont.

Maybe you'll never know :)

sighhaihaii. Today was sucha nice day 😊😊

Just sat and kept talking and talking. Always full of advices but I don't use it for myself 😓

Howwhybrowneyecowsigh.

Argh okay shall not think so much. Suddenly tutorials and quizzes are popping out of no where like magic so I gotta make them disappear like magic too. Heeheehee.

Auntie Susan went to Spain. I wanna go Europe too. Was browsing through the pictures, reminiscing about the times.