Seeking inspiration, motivation and …?

My thoughts are so scattered that I can’t even… probably have re-wrote this a few times and am still unsure of what to pen down.

Interestingly I feel that our brains do have the capacity to operate at higher rpm and when mine does, I feel so energised. 

I still remembered the amount of sleep I had after my Year 2 Sem 2 exams 🥲 

I slept during the car ride, during the flight, when I was on the yacht and when I was on the beach. I could’ve clocked 20 hours of sleep time/ day.

Gone were the days when I could sleep that much though. But then again, gone were a lot of days.

I don’t learn as much during little moments in life anymore. I pay less attention to my own thoughts and I feel like my day to day tasks took up so much of my brain capacity.

Now that it has slowed down, intentionally, I find myself ?bored…

But there are good changes as well. I pay more attention to the people around me whom I love and cherish. I guess i’m more selfish with my love and my time nowadays. 

Instead of pouring out unconditional love and effort that may result in naught, I find myself trying to balance other aspects of life. That is probably the best change I’ve seen in myself. 

On another note, thank you God for answering one of my prayers. I need to also make a mental note to pen down all of these to encourage myself. 

Thank you for sending a student who loves you just like I do. Thank you for giving her the words to lift me up through the discouragement. I have been feeling discouraged and unappreciated but the thank-you note couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. 

As I’ve once realised, sometimes God works in miraculous ways. Sometimes the person who heals you might not have to be the person who hurt you. But to forgive, just as how God forgave us and even sent His only Son to die for our sins so we could reconcile with Him.

So I pray that I’ll forgive and forget. But I also pray for God to protect my heart, for from it flows the springs of life. He is my protector and my provider. He knows what I need today, in the past and in the future. 

I also pray for wisdom to guide my steps. I think it’s time for a change of season but i’m not sure where God has meant for me to go. I pray that I’ll be sensitive to the Spirit and answer when He calls me. 

Thoughts:

It’s okay to feel upset.

It’s okay to feel lost in life.

Enjoy the journey instead of focusing on the goals - that’s right, I am very task and goal oriented.

It’s okay to put yourself first when others don’t - untrue, for God says ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’. 

Always put God first, ahead of yourself, ahead of everything, and all will fall in place. 

If you love God the most, you won’t think about being unappreciated or unloved. Because God loves you far more than you love Him. 

God is also my best comforter.

8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. (‭‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56‬‬:‭8‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

 It means to lose courage and be less brave. 

According to Dictionary.com, it means to lose confidence and enthusiasm.

It also leaves you zapped and weak. 

I guess that has been the emotion that I've been trying to identify for the past few days/ weeks. 

Thank you Jesus for speaking to me. 

I don’t know why i’m discouraged but I guess part of me is also disillusioned at how things might not be the way I thought it is. Silly me always thinks the best of every situation so I guess reality hits pretty hard sometimes. 

I think I’ve tried so damn hard this time. So I’ll leave the rest to God. In Him I trust. 

 Ask. 

Ask God to help you lean into his promises

Ask God to help you see what you cannot see on your own 

Ask for eyes to see, ears to hear, and heart to understand what you can never understand on your own

Ask God for his perspectives of Isaiah 

Ask God for the truth of who he is because we can lose sight, in midst of our daily struggles.

You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy. 

It’s that time of the year again. 

I think I made 2022 count. But in my attempts to do so, I sometimes forget about the most important thing in my life.

Granted, seasons change, but as I am blessed more and was given more, I found myself struggling to prioritise the very person who blessed me with so much - God. 

I still attend BSF diligently but I feel like I’m not absorbing or putting enough efforts into it.

I still attend church and Lifegroup - and more often than not, make a conscious decision to block time out for Lifegroup but I find myself getting bored during sermons.

I didn’t attend service especially when we started travelling more and more.

But I marveled at God’s creation at every new place we went. We spoke to God’s people of different nations and delighted in those conversations. I worshipped God with my songs, my actions and my love to other people - I hope.

2022 was a year of learning - more about the bible, more about work, more about myself (especially the unpleasant sides)

I find myself changing - I like to talk more than I like to listen now.

I grew assertive yet can be overly domineering at work.

I can be confrontational though I hate it

I can love deeply but can just as easily bury my love deep. 

Certain things are definitely more difficult for me and I struggled with them. In particular, I struggled with humility, being considerate and trust.

I found myself struggle to balance being considerate and losing myself/ not standing for what I believe in. I struggled with pride - as I pride myself for being efficient, I often fell into the trap of being inconsiderate. And my pride stops me from sharing my feelings transparently.

I also struggled with trust. Perhaps it has to do with the past. But don’t look back. That I can do and to trust in God and his plans. 

Don’t look back because I think that’s what God has been telling me for the past two weeks repeatedly. Look forward because there lies your future. 

I’ve always said home is where your heart is. And I’ve always been searching. But today I finally realised how silly I have been. 

I’ve been searching but it has always been there. I’m home. God is my home, because my heart is with Him.

When you trust only yourself, you trust on your own understanding and you’re doomed to fail. 

So trust in God with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths. 

So while last year’s resolutions were all tangible wants/ needs, this year I aim to be more introspective. 

1. I want to intentionally demonstrate more fruits of the spirit - I want to be the salt and the light of the world. I want to give flavour to the lives of others and shine light (truth) in others’ lives. I want to be able to glorify God. I want others to see me and be able to say ‘That’s God working in her life’. 

During BSF’s gathering this year, Lois prayed this for me, not knowing what I meant through my prayer requests. But God knew His plans for me better than myself. 

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

Love, of all, is the most important, yet hardest to emulate. For God showed his love for us by sacrificing His only son,, and that’s a high standard to meet. 

Joy I’ve got in me, from knowing and serving God. 

Peace, the unshakeable inner calm in turbulent times, was the key learning point last two years. It still requires work, I find myself occasionally anxious about the things out of my control. But God is good, he stands by me when oceans rise and thunders roar. So I will continue to work on trusting God with all my heart. 

Lastly patience, also called long-suffering.

In a fast-paced world where everyone wants what they want, when they want it, patience runs short. But Ephesians 4:2 says “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

1. Be an adult, and push through the adulting tasks. 

I hate it, but I know I have to do it. It doesn’t help when it’s an area I don’t understand, AND can’t understand (in terms of perspectives) but yet have to think about, just because of societal norms. 

I will definitely sort out my insurance, health/ medical check up, and the bare minimum for my finances by the end of the year (BIG BIG SIGH but you can do it!) 

1. Again, my frivolous goal, I will aim to train my glutes as I wish to reduce my quad-dominance. So here’s to 85 (88 stretch goal) cm glutes circumference by end of 2022. 

It’s that time of the year again. I have loved Christmas ever since I was a child. I used to love looking at the bright warm lights and twinkling and sparkly decors. I love the spirit of giving. I love it when people smile at the gifts I prepared. 

I have dreamt of waking up to Christmas bells, looking out of the window and seeing snow, padding to the living room in my fluffy slippers and seeing the Christmas tree with all the presents underneath. 

But my dreams were rarely practical. Regardless, Christmas always meant that another year has passed. So what have I achieved this year, and what do I hope to achieve next year?

I have been floating for too long. Maybe it’s time. 

What is one thing that God is prompting you but you’re ignoring it? 

How is God asking you to seek him and him first?

How has God shown you grace and mercy despite your sinful nature? 

I need you more, more than yesterday. I need you more, more than words can say. I need you more, than ever before. I need you Lord. 

More than the air I breathe

More than the songs I sing 

More than the next heartbeat

Thank you for relentlessly chasing me even when I don’t deserve it. Thank you for listening to my prayers. Thank you for your grace and love. 

Elijah’s story brought me comfort tonight. 

At times I feel like time is slipping by, and it is the only one thing that I don’t have control about.

But Elijah reminded me that even the most faithful man gets fearful at times. We get fearful when we focus on the wrong thing. And our God is a God of grace, even if we are undeserving, and will continue to chase us. 

Be strong. Be courageous. Be faithful.